Values: A Key Component to Happiness

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Most citizen come to therapy to address something in their life that isn't going well, such as depression, anxiety, or a relationship problem. Psychotherapy is in general focused on resolving problems or overcoming a psychological issue that is getting in the way of your functioning and enjoyment of life. But, the elimination of a question doesn't all the time effect in happiness. To have happiness, it's vital to not only achieve thinking health, but also to attain and enjoy values.

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Philosopher and novelist Ayn Rand defined a value as "that which one acts to gain or to keep." This quote contains several points-that a value is a positive and something you want, and to attain it and hold onto it you must take action.

The most prominent thing about selecting values is to pick ones that are a value to you. Implicitly this is obvious, because if you weren't getting anyone from it, you couldn't unmistakably reconsider it a value. Nevertheless, it's very coarse for citizen to pick and pursue things that aren't a value to them, or that even may be detrimental to their condition and happiness. For example, some pick a career to please their parents, be socially acceptable, or for the prestige, rather than selecting one they are personally turned on by. This is a huge mistake because they'll spend a huge amount of time over the course of their lives doing something they don't enjoy or may even hate.

A career that's a value to you is one that's exciting, interesting, fun, challenging, stimulating, and rewarding. If you're bored by it or dread going to work each morning, it's not a value to you (other than maybe financially). The same goes for a friend. A friend who's a value is someone you enjoy being with, whom you respect and share interests with, and who's interested in you and supportive. This doesn't mean you all the time see eye-to-eye, but when you disagree, you respect each other and are able to cordially determine the issue.

Choosing and pursuing values is not easy. It seems easy because all you have to do is pursue things that you love. But, figuring out what you love, and having the commitment to go after it, is challenging, especially in a culture that teaches you from a young age to all the time put others first. With values, you have to think of only what will make you happy and ended and not pursue things just to please others.

When I work on values with clients in therapy, I detach values into six separate categories, which helps them produce and think about them more easily. The categories are: career (which includes education), romantic love, collective (friends and family), condition (physical and mental), hobbies/leisure, and children. Even these categories are elective and your personal choice-there are no obligations with values other than they should make you happy, and you are responsible for their achievement.

Here are three guidelines for selecting and pursuing values:

1. A value is something that enhances, supports, improves, and/or furthers your life in some way for the short and long-term. The idea of long-term is key here because most of us will live 70-80 years, so we have to plan long-range and not just live for the occasion in a reckless way. Thus, shooting heroin, stealing, being sexually promiscuous, driving too fast, etc., may bring short-term satisfaction or loot, but ultimately, these types of activities can be self-destructive to your life, and thus, not a value to you. Your life is your ultimate value, without which no other values are possible.

2. selecting and pursuing values doesn't guarantee you'll achieve them, or even hold onto them once you have them. There may be a college you want to get into, or a job you unmistakably want, or a man or woman you unmistakably want to date, and you may work extremely hard to attain this value, but there's no guarantee you will. Sometimes you'll go after a value and not get it. This is life. The good news is that if you fail to achieve a value you unmistakably wanted, you can all the time pursue another one. You may fail ten times, but effect the eleventh time. Some values are easy to achieve, such as enjoying a meal at your beloved restaurant, while others are much more difficult to attain, such as becoming a successful artist. But, the more values you pursue, the more chances you have of achieving them and getting what you want, or at least close to it.

3. Values are evolving. Sometimes, what was once a value to you is not a value any longer. This can be true of a career, relationship, hobby, etc. This is why it's prominent to do what I call a "values inventory" occasionally to make sure you're still satisfied with what you have. You might have loved your career for several years, but now you don't get as much satisfaction from it. This might mean you need to revitalize it and take a separate coming or work somewhere else. Or, it may mean you're a separate someone now with separate interests, and you might want to pursue a new career that will be fresh and consuming and add some spice to your life.

Choosing, pursuing, and enjoying values are what make life exciting, challenging, and rewarding. The only way to guarantee you won't be happy is to not pursue values, or to pursue non-values. No matter where you're beginning from, you can all the time heighten or heighten your values, and thus, your enjoyment of life.

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